and she reads

You're here!

Hi baby,

We're still waiting for you. I'm almost 42 weeks pregnant and doing well. I've been able to stay pretty positive. The hardest time for me was actually when I thought we were going to induce at or right before 41 weeks. I was just so nervous about that decision. Luckily our doctor thought it was safe to wait a little longer for you. And I'm glad because (without getting into details) my body seems to be more ready this week than it was last week. So, even if labor doesn't start on its own, I'm guessing things will go more smoothly.

I wanted to tell you how amazing your dad is. His excitement has been a really helpful counterpoint to any nervousness I have lately. I am so excited to meet you too, but I sometimes get bogged down in practicalities. Your dad has described waiting for you as being like Christmas Eve and told me that he thinks his heart will explode when he gets to hold you. Writing those things just made me cry - granted I cry pretty easily right now, but it's been incredible seeing how excited he is to meet you.

Your Mom

Hi baby,

My due date is about a week away now. I was doing so good at just thinking, "end of October" rather than a specific date but it's much harder as it gets closer. I have had a few moments of "I am going to be pregnant forever", but for the most part I'm still managing to stay reasonably peaceful and accepting of what may come.

So we are about as ready as we can be for you. You really like kicking and moving in there. I love hearing your heartbeat every week now. I still have a hard time believing that there is going to be another person in our house, in our life. I am so very much looking forward to seeing what you are like.

If I'm anxious about anything it is my mood after you are born. I don't do so well with hormones sometimes and I know that that combined with lack of sleep is going to be rough. Your dad has pointed out how much everyone likes to tell parents-to-be how hard it all is. How we won't get any sleep, and you'll probably have colic, and there will be poop everywhere. Your dad and I are pretty practical people however. So, while I'm sure we can't imagine the exact amounts of sleeplessness, crying and poop, I don't think we will exactly be surprised by most of those things. What people should tell us is all of the amazing moments that I know we will have. I have a good feeling that despite all of the tough stuff, getting to hold you will make it worth it.

Oh yea, and so far (not to jinx it, I hope) my belly button did not pop out. Thank goodness.

Your Mom

Hello Baby Girl,

I feel the need to write to you or to write to myself - just to remember what this all feels like.

- I am spending way too much time looking at baby items and checking to make sure everything I have on our registry is exactly the right thing to have on our registry and thinking for too much time about which bottles and breastpump and diapers and onesies will be the absolute best bottles and breastpump and diapers and onesies. Online shopping is my version of nesting.

- Actual nesting is coming soon. The nursery is getting ready to be ready. We have your crib set up (although it is still mattress-less.) and shelves and a recliner. And I have ideas for how I want everything to be. I want to wait until after the baby shower to purchase a lot of items tho. So for now, the nursery sits oddly half-way done.

- I feel you moving all the time. Squirming and kicking and sometimes trying to bash into my organs. Your dad (whoa!) found a picture in one of the many informational books/pamphlets we have collected of how everything (organs and such) fit in there before and after a person is pregnant. I just want to get in and rearrange things to make more space for you and for all of my organs. Like, maybe if I could just shift this kidney a little to the left... and move my lungs up a little.... nope, it will all work as well as it can but I am expecting a little discomfort for both of us.

- I'm enjoying this whole thing more than I expected. I've had a relatively drama and discomfort-free pregnancy (lets hope that continues) and I feel like I will miss having you around when you are out in the world. (Obviously you will still be around, but not so close). Of course I am very much looking forward to you being out in the world - I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like. To see you!

- I am anticipating that it will be hard - for all of us. It must not be very pleasant for you to suddenly have to adjust to things like breathing and being able to fully move your arms. As if someone just flung me out into space and I could technically survive but found that I now had a completely foreign method of breathing and moving and eating.

- I worry less than I expected about things that should worry me. I know you will get out one way or another, whether that involves me being drugged to high heaven or you beatifically entering the world while I prove my drug-free womanly strength. Yes, I will probably be more worried about labor as it gets closer but I would like to keep my calm while I can.

- I worry more about absolutely silly things like whether or not my belly button will pop out - to the point where I got slightly... hysterical about the idea of it. Does it matter if that (horrible dreadful thing) happens? No, of course not. And I obviously know that, but I still haven't quite reconciled myself with the idea.

- I feel so much love towards you already. I didn't really thing it would work that way - that I would love you when it seemed like you would just be a weird little alien being in my stomach. But yes, 67 days before you are due to come into this world (as my Target registry so helpfully tells me) I feel like you are a person in there and I love you.

Your Mom.

I've been reading some incredibly silly romance. They are the book equivalent of cotton candy - enjoyable, fluffy, but you wouldn't want to read too many in a row. (Couldn't quite get that metaphor to work - also lots of people are anti-cotton candy which is just crazy - oh! but also goes along with the romance novel thing.)

I just finished Every Day by Dan Levithan. It was a teen book about a person who wakes up in a different body every day and how the person fell in love with a girl. It was not a very satisfying book but it really couldn't be without somehow "solving" the problem of the body changing thing. I liked it tho, and read through it very quickly.

I should be getting some interesting non-fiction in soon - How Music Works which is kind of a scientific look at music and The Signal and the Noise which is about statistics and predictions - something that interests me. I don't always read books about it tho because I end up hearing the same things over and over. This one is by Nate Silver who was very popular during the last election with his complex predictions.

I'm at 77 books this year. Or maybe a little more by now.

Also, going to try this amazon widget thing for books I mention and see how that goes.

Pre-apocalyptic books and movies have been haunting me lately. Those of the a-meteor-is-going-to-hit-Earth variety seem especially prominent. Is 4 a trend? Melancholia and Seeking a Friend for the End of the World for movies and The Age of Miracles and The Last Policeman for books. 

Should I see if I enjoy writing again? I go through journaling/writing spurts in my life it seems. How odd that I wrote frequently on a blog from 17 to about 19. How sad that it has since disappeared. I would have liked to check myself out. It wasn't that long ago in a lot of ways but in other ways it was forever. I graduated high school, started college. Moved to a different city (one of only 2 such moves in my lifetime) and met my husband. No wonder I wrote frequently - life was busy.